Thursday, September 14, 2006

Celebrity Duets: Or when bad actors sing....

This week, we're scraping the bottom of the pop barrel so far.

Lucy Lawless was paired up with Dionne Warwick. They both sounded dreadful. Like two cats were scratching their vocal chords trying to claw their way free.

Alfonso Ribeiro was paired up with Denice Williams and both sounded great! Carley Patterson sang with one-hit wonder Jesse McCartney and both managed to warble out the song. Hal Sparks seemed to enjoy his tune with a singer from Styx.

Cheech Marin, if there's a God, the public will finally vote you out tomorrow. He sang "Ain't No Sunshine" with Aaron Neville. Aaron Neville was squeezed so tightly into the ugliest suit ever. It's amazing his voice could come out. I'm an Aaron Neville fan, so I'll pretend this performance didn't exist. Maybe AT&T will disable his line so he can finally get out of his competition.

Jai Rodriguez sings with Taylor Dane and it sounds like bad karoke. Jai hits more than a few bad notes, and Taylor sounds bad, bad, bad. What's scary, some of these "professional" singers are actually on tour at casinos and stuff, so at least this show will save you the $40 you might pay for their shows.

Marie Osmond decided to take her "I'm a bitch pills" today because she raked everyone over the coals. Marie, honey, you haven't had a hit this century so you really, really might need to be a little more constructive and a little less um, bitchy.

Poor Little Richard is crying out for help but no one is listening. The man is senile. Or drugged so heavily, he thinks he's reliving his glory days. David Foster looks bored. And if he's not bored, he's sneaking into Marie's "I'm a bitch pills."

Wayne Brady needs to be fired pronto. He's a clown and adds nothing to this show. But the real entertainment are the F-list celebrities they are totally paying to be seen in the audience. This week we were treated to Kristy Swanson and John Walsh who's so totally NOT America's Most Wanted. Nope, I lied. When Marie Osmond and Wayne Brady was singing. David Foster was directing the crowd and Little Richard looked dazed and confused. And his bad wig needed help.

Can someone adjust Richard's medicine? Please? Please? I predict this is Carley or Cheech's last night.

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